You think you’ve had a hard year?
No one has had a harder year than my friend Matt Logelin.
I met Matt about seven years ago at the company where we both worked. Originally from Minnestota, he had recently arrived from grad school in Chicago. He had come to California to be with his high school sweetheart Liz.
This was during the second . com boom and the company was growing fast. Matt joined Heather, Lena, Yolanda, Julia, Peter, Monica, Ken and I in the “fishbowl,” a conference room that had been converted into office space.
Crammed together in this small room, we got to know each other quickly. All of us were charmed by Matt’s Midwestern ways. I have always been fond of Matt. My kids were much younger then, but I thought if my son grew up to be as generous, open-hearted, interested and interesting as Matt, all would be right with the world.
And all was right in Matt’s world.
Matt proposed to Liz while they were traveling in Nepal.
They married in Minnesota.
Liz laughing
And a couple of years later Matt and Liz were pregnant.
Knock, knock, who's there?
This is when Matt’s life took a harrowing turn. It wasn’t an easy pregnancy. Liz spent a total of five weeks on bed rest. Two at home and three in the hospital so that Liz’s doctors could monitor the baby closely. Liz had low amniotic fluid and the baby had her umbilical cord around her neck. The baby’s heart rate dropped multiple times, and Liz almost delivered multiple times.
Matt’s friends, family and co-workers checked into Matt’s blog daily to keep up on the latest developments, and anxious to see those first shots of Madeline.
I’ll let Matt take over telling the story here:
(3/24).
madeline was born via c-section.
everyone was happy
and healthy.
liz was told
to hang out in bed
for another 24 hours
and then she was going to
see madeline.
she waited patiently
hearing stories
and seeing photos
of me
feeding and changing
madeline’s diapers.
(she was soooo jealous and i teased her mercilessly that i was 1, 2, 3 diapers ahead of her and that she had to catch up).
24 hours came
and she got ready
to lay her hands
on madeline
for the very
first
time.
she got up from bed
(with the help of some nurses and me).
we joked about her new-found independence.
i told her that she
had to start waiting on me
because i’d been waiting on her
for 5 weeks.
she laughed,
and said,
“of course.”
she walked to the mirror
and said,
“my hair looks like shit.”
we all laughed
(because her hair looked great, especially for someone who’d been on bed rest for 5 weeks).
the nurse said,
“are you ready to go?”
she said,
“yes.”
her excitement
was overflowing.
she turned around
to sit in her wheelchair
for her ride to see
madeline.
she said,
“i feel lightheaded”
and then she passed out.
we got her in to
her hospital bed.
doctors and nurses
rushed to help her.
but nothing could be done
to bring her
back.
no one to blame.
shitty luck
and
a pulmonary embolism
are what led us to
the saddest,
most horrific moment
of my life.
A lot of hearts were broken that day.
You see, Liz was truly the kind of person who lit up a room when she walked in. I had the pleasure of her company only a dozen times or so, but her joyous spirit came through Matt every time he mentioned her, which was often. He couldn’t believe his luck. That this beautiful woman was in love with him.
Not only bubbly, sweet, charming and funny – Liz was also smart. Very smart. Prior to accepting a job as Manager of Supply Chain and Operations Strategy at Disney, she was an associate in a business consultancy, traveling all over the country to advise clients on how to better run their businesses.
They were a perfect pair. Matt would do anything for Liz. Even wear a pink tie.
Wedding
Despite the fact that she liked to sleep and he didn’t. I mean, why sleep when you can sit up all night compiling CD’s of the most interesting and obscure musical artists for your friends. Despite the fact that Liz liked pop music, and Matt liked most everything but. Liz liked to wear designer clothes and Matt, well, if it fits and it’s under $5 that’s fine with him.
They only had one fight – when he paid a princely sum for the fortune-telling robot he bought from a street vendor in India – and that ended in laughter.
"I can't believe you bought a fucking robot" - Liz Logelin
So, losing Liz was monumental for many, but most of all for Matt.
Can you think of anything more heart-breaking than a newborn baby without a mother? Did you put your hand over your heart when you heard that Liz was gone? When she didn’t even get the chance to hold her own baby? I know you did. Because so did everyone else when they heard the news, whether they knew Liz or not. I still cry about it. I am crying now as I write this.
Matt’s life has changed in many ways since losing Liz. He began to blog, as a way to keep his Minnesota family and friends up on how Madeline was doing. But he also wrote, very frankly and painfully, about how hard it is to lose someone you love and face the most important and challenging job in your life without a partner.
I held my breath through the early months. Matt may have been lonely for Liz, but he was rarely alone. Family and friends were always there; bringing him food, sharing their company, spending the night. I breathed a sigh of relief when after many months of sleeping on the couch, Matt was finally able to get back into the bed that he and Liz shared. And again, when I heard that Matt and Madeline finally spent the first night on their own.
Everyone who knew Matt read his blog and passed it along to their friends and family. Hundreds of stranger friends began to share their sympathy, support and encouragement. Before long, 40,000 people a day were reading. And that was before the article in People Magazine.
No one knows about the kindness of strangers as well as Matt. A huge community has built around he and Madeline. They travel often. This past year they made several trips to Minnesota, three or four trips to New York, plus Chicago, Banff and Mexico, and wherever they go, stranger friends show up to meet them. On the street and in the pediatrician’s office people walk up and say, “Hey I know you. You’re Matt and this is Madeline.”
On the airplane
Along the way Matt soothed himself the best way he knew how, with music. He told us what songs reminded him of Liz, what songs helped get him through a particularly painful night, or just what really great band we all should be listening to now. He also picked up a couple of tattoos. This was surprising not only to us, but to Matt, because Matt isn’t exactly a tattoo kind of guy. But Matt felt compelled to tattoo a number on each wrist, 24 for the day that Madeline was born, and 25 for the day that Liz left us. A physical manifestation of the psychic scars left on his heart.
Matt was helped by long, late night phone calls from people who he did not know, but like Matt had suddenly and tragically lost a loved one. And Matt in turn, was able to help and inspire others going through similar difficult times.
March 24th is Madeline’s first birthday. People have been asking Matt if they can send a gift. He posted this photo and message in reply.
Too much
From Matt’s blog:
as you can see, madeline doesn’t need anything else…
the stuff you see is just a small portion of what has been sent to us over the past 11+ months. she has a dresser full of quilts, 40+ pairs of shoes, a dresser and a closet filled with clothes, hundreds of robot items, toys, books, music, jewelry and a bunch of other stuff.
thanks to all of the formula/formula check donations, i’ve had to pay for only three containers of formula since she was born (all three purchased because i forgot to put formula in her diaper bag when i left the house).
thanks to salma hayek, rachael ray and pampers, we now have a lifetime supply of diapers (guess whose child is never going to be potty trained?)
i still have hundreds of dollars in gift cards (and a job!) to help pay for anything else we may need. our garage is also filled with clothes and toys for when she finally hits 12+ months old. we’ve donated the clothes that no longer fit as well as the baby equipment and toys that she has outgrown.
and still.
there is no room in our house.
literally.
i can’t begin to tell you how much we appreciate all that people have done for us.
we wouldn’t be where we are today without you.
thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
but for madeline’s birthday, we would love nothing more if you would consider taking the money you were planning to spend on her gift + the postage to ship the gift, and donate it to the liz logelin foundation so that people facing circumstances similar can benefit from the kindness and support you all have extended to us.
m. + m.
This week Matt and Madeline are going to Mexico with Liz’s family. Together they will face the anniversary of the best and the worst day of their lives. Matt and Maddy have survived what will hopefully be their hardest year. Matt looks better all the time and Maddy? Well see for yourself.
Dear M. + M.,
Thank you for sharing your year with all of us.
May your second year together, bring you even more joy and a lot less pain.
karen
See some stunning photographs and video of Matt and Madeline on Matt’s blog.
Life in the Castle 